The only reason to watch Aberdeen play

Patriotism is a funny thing.  Particularly when it comes to sport.  In particular, football.  Most countries are incredibly supportive of their national teams.  It comes in different forms it has to be said.  Fans of, say, Japan or Holland are proud of their teams when they go on a good run - they don't necessarily expect them to win the World Cup on every occasion and are proud when they do well.  England, for example, suffer from a weight of expectation - rather unrealistic expectation if we are honest.  Whenever the lose a game, they are the worst team ever and not fit to lick the boots of the infamous 1966 team.  There is never any celebration that they got to the quarter-finals or semi-finals of the World Cup, only disgust and remorse that they didn't fucking win it.

And then.......and then there is my country's national team.   Scotland.  Certainly people go to the games but it appears more to be about wearing kilts and having a party.  Truth is, there are two ways to watch Scotland play football.  Through your fingers in embarrassment as they are being ripped apart or in a dozy slumber as they play the most boring defensive game in the history of football.  There have been occasional peaks (and the crowd's reaction is more shock than anything) but it is a mostly horrific affair.  That pretty much sums up Scottish patriotism when it comes to football - we have no pride in the team as such.  Our team is shite but we will all sing and be overly-friendly / drunk with whatever country we are visiting.  Happy Losers.  We take national pride that our fans are well received even if our team just got beaten 4-0 by the Lithuanian Blind Orphan under-5's team.

But for a while, there was a very good reason to watch Scotland play.  And that reason has resurfaced again as a reason to watch Aberdeen (and previously Motherwell) play.  The manager.  The intensely cuddly frame of Craig Brown.  I always had a soft spot for Mr Brown even though his Scotland record was questionable (Longest serving but with a roughly 50% win rate).  Obviously he has a cute, sexy body but the main attraction was his face.  He reminds me of a panda bear.  Very soft and gentle looking.  Sweet.  Almost too innocent and cute looking to make sexual comments about.  Almost.  A very quiet spoken, gentle man in interviews it's hard to understand how he is now having so much success in his managerial career.  Shouldn't they all be shouty and violent (Alex Ferguson)?  Well, he did provide a small shock a short while ago, when he punched a visiting manager from Odense.  Considering he's not tall and was 70 at the time - this was decidedly not expected.  I'd never even seen him raise his voice never mind his fists.

Anyway, I have imagined boning him many a time.  Slowly milking him and fingering him.  See?  I got past that 'innocent' thing.  A little personal triumph for me.

"Hello Boys....so....I think I'll take number two.  He looks the most filthy"

Craig Brown has had enough of your shit!

"In my ass?  Really?  Well that sounds delightful!"